LAMENT OF A LADY WHO'S GONE TO THE DOGS

There was a time, there really was

when I was sweet and tender

when "Show Dog" meant a Disney star

and bitch was not a gender

I went to bed at half past ten

I went to church on Sunday

On Saturday I baked the beans

and did the wash on Monday

But then I got a certain pup

and an erstwhile friend said "SHOW"

and so I did and so I do

Oh! What I didn't know

I used to dress with flair and style

that was the life, don't knock it

But now each dress from bed to ball

must have a good bait pocket.

I used to have a certain air

I wallowed in perfume

I used to smell of Niut D'Amour

Now I smell like Mr. Groom.

My furniture was haute decor

#My pets a tank of guppies

Now I've furniture unstuffed

and well-adjusted puppiesonce

I spoke in pristine prose

In dulcet tones and frail

But now I'm using language

that would turn a sailor pale.

I was taught to be well groomed

no matter where I went.

Now all the grooming that I do

is in the handler's tent.

I used to long for furs and jewels

and a figure classed as super.

Now the thing I yearn for most

is a nice new pooper scooper.

I adored a man who murmured verse,

through intimate little dinners.

But now the words I thrill to hear,

are just three, "best of winners"

I rise at dawn and pack the car

the road ahead's a long one.

The one I routed on the maps,

invariabley's the wrong one.

I really love this doggy life,

I wouldn't care to change it.

But when I get that Best in Show,

I plan to rearrange it.

When my time on earth is done,

I'll go without much nudging

Just give me three weeks closing date,

and let me know who's judging.

From the MidAtlantic Toy Dogs List

We went to a show at Exeter last Saturday, got there at 10 a.m. and finally got in the ring at 5.30 p.m. !!!! We must be mad and the above poem confirms it.